All Talk Sports

With all the pro athletes constantly getting into trouble these days, it’s almost as if these guys want to throw their careers away.  Well, their prayers have been answered.  All they have to do is just follow these 10 easy steps and their careers are sure to be ruined. These steps are fail proof.  Users of the steps include Terrell Owens, Latrell Sprewell, Stephen Jackson, Pacman Jones, Michael Vick, the Cincinnati Bengals, and Ron Artest.

1. An Entourage is a Must-Not only does this ensure that more trouble will come your way, but it almost guarantees that someone in your inner circle will not have your best interest in mind.  Your entourage should not only include some of your best friends but also people you really don’t know that well.  An entourage will be one of the biggest reasons why your name will be synonymous with trouble. 

2. Put the “I” in Team- A personal favorite of Terrel Owens, this will definitely create distractions for the team that you’re on.  All you have to do is put yourself before the team.  It’s that simple.  Feel free to talk bad about your teammates to the media and keep reminding everyone who’s team it is. It’s perfectly fine to tell the coach you don’t feel like practicing and you can even take some plays off in games.  Always remember that your individual stats are more important than the overall success of the team.

3. In da Club- Being that you’re a well known pro athlete, the best possible place to hang out and relax would be the club.  This also includes bars and the ever popular strip club.  At these type of places, your bound to find money hungry women, drunk guys determined to start a fight, and an occasional shootout. Hang out at these places a lot, and you’re bound to be on the front page of the morning news.

4. Carry a Weapon- When you go out, it is important to have a gun on you at all times.  A routine traffic stop for speeding could quickly turn into a pending court date.  If a fight does break out at the club that you always go to, you can then fire the gun in the air alas Steven Jackson. Firing a gun in the air in a large crowd could have heavy consequences seeing as how the bullets come down. Having a weapon at the wrong place at the wrong time will definately hurt your future as a pro athlete.

5. Banned Substances are O.K.- This is a step that many pro athletes like to follow.  Following this step is sure to cause you a lot of trouble as a pro athlete. Steroids, cocaine, and marijuana are some of the norms but feel free to experiment with others. This will also put your life in jeopardy as well.  Some of the consequences of using controlled substances are suspension, heavy fines, and if you’re really lucky a lifetime ban.

6. Demand More Money- Often called the Lattrell Sprewell rule, this just requires you to demand more money regardless of your performance.  So If you had a slightly above average season, demand more money.  If you had a mediocre season, demand more money.  Even if you had a horrible season, demand more money. When trying to figure out the price range of your new contract,  try to go 3-5 times more than what you’re actually worth .  If someone asks you why you want more money, just simply reply “I have to feed my family.”

7. Talk to the Media about Your Problems- Anything that should be discussed within the organization, take it upon yourself to inform the media of all the details.  This should be done if you want to be traded, have problems with another teammate, or if you just don’t like your coach.  Just always remember that the media should always be the first to know.

8. Live Above and Beyond Your Means- This step doesn’t apply to the superstars in professional sports who have million dollar contract endorsements.  This only applies to the pro that is making a  decent amount of money but wants to live like the superstar.  The most important thing to do is buy things you don’t need. Spend your money like there’s no tomorrow. Don’t invest in property or stocks.  Instead, buy a car with a fish tank in it or buy a watch that costs more than a house.  These are great investments that are sure to cripple you.

9. Forget About the Fans- Even though they are the sole reason why you’re making so much money, it is best that you forget about your fans. It is important to establish that you are better than them.  Put yourself on a pedestal.  So what if they buy your sneakers, jerseys, and anything else with your name on it.  Don’t sign autographs if you don’t feel like it. After games,  just walk right past the kids that wait in line for hours to take a picture or want your signature on their shirt.

10. Establish a Dog Fighting Ring- A technique that has been popularized by a left handed quarterback in Atlanta, this will surely get people disgusted at you.  Not only will the fans turn on you, but you’ll have organizations like PETA protesting your every move.